Thursday, 24 November 2016

The Best & Worst of Koffee With Karan S05S03: Arjun Kapoor & Varun Dhawan

We're settling into a comfortable routine here, aren't we?

As always, you can check out last week's B&W here, ft. lots of twinklin', sprinklin' and KJ's trademark uha uha'ing.



Worst: #BringBackIAmBack

Seems like KJ didn't get my admonitory memo, so we'll keep at the immensely popular 'yo intro so pointless' joke for the second week in a row. So, yo KWK intro so pointless it came first in a sack race with Arvind Kejriwal and Rs. 500 notes. Cue in the forced laughter, for such insipid humour coupled with political agenda is hard to come by in these wondrous times.

Arjun Kapoor laughing

Worst: Arjun Kapoor w/o Ranveer Singh 

Season 3's polka-dotted metrosexual infestation with Ranveer and Arjun is probably in my Top 10 list of Pointless Television. I could write a winding novel on it, which gives all of you even more to reason to thank the stars that I didn't indulge in these pointless write-ups three years back.

I was interested in watching how Arjun Kapoor, who absolutely slew his debut, behaved without the complementary drug addict antics of Ranveer, but alas, I guess some things are destined are to be together. There was nothing wrong with him and Varun, and the kind of sibling-like camaraderie they share was slightly endearing at times, if I can permit an unsullied opinion to break through these nostalgic shackles. But I would rather have him goad Ranveer with some 'tu gaaaa re... tu gaaaaaaa re' or break out into Biwi No. 1 songs than do anything else in life.

Also, what oblivious grotto have I been living in for the past three years to have missed the development of Arjun's man-crush on Ranbir Kapoor and murderous intentions for Ranveer? Has Bhai preached profound love for animals started a driving school? Has Hrithik Roshan written a book on fidelity?

Worst: 'Are you in a relationship?' x10

I could wager that the first 10 minutes of the show were just conventional KWK, in the excruciatingly frustrating sense where KJ kept repeatedly needling for answers no one was particularly interested in giving or listening to. In an episode of 40 odd minutes with three long games, that's a considerable percentage of your episode not spent discussing Arjun Kapoor's smart decision to bring to life Chetan Bhagat's fictional characters or Varun Dhawan's smarter decision to be a part of Dilwale.

10 points to both of them had they ended the entire segment in five seconds in a manner similar to how Arjun answered the other blasphemous taboo question ("So what do you do about sex?" "Have it.") with "So what do you do about relationships?" "Not talk about them."

Best: Still Better Than Gunday


Arjun Kapoor Young

This short clip is the finest piece of acting I've seen this decade, and I've seen Imran Khan movies.

Best: I Want What They're Smokin'



Varun Dhawan funny

The Ellen game shtick plummeted from Bollywood stars thinking they're accurately acing acting tropes with supreme finesse to making an unabashed mockery of them, and that's a 100% better approach. It would've been inane to ask Varun or Arjun to enact Shakespearean epics, especially not when their latest movies have been Dishoom and Ki & Ka.

Extra points to both for their brutal juxtaposition of Arabic, Swahili and Spanish(?). An extra special bonus point to Varun Dhawan for the timely transition to 'Kai jhala tula bhaiya'.

Welcome to the B&W of KWK, where everything's pointless and the points don't matter!

Best: One Small Comeback Quiz For KWK, A Giant Victory For Mankind

The petition from last week worked. Praise the almighty!

In striking evidence of why the #KoffeeQuiz (© Karan Johar) should be a staple ingredient of every KWK episode, we got to witness a post-tragic-loss-incredibly-sulky Varun Dhawan and snarky-condescending big bro Arjun, which is so much more palatable than their polished and diplomatic avatars.


Best: Buzzers vs. Karan 2-0

How can one of the most popular talk shows in one of the richest industries in India featuring one of the richest directors and producers as the host and some of the world's richest actors not afford two tiny working buzzers is beyond me. A small Worst to Karan for not asking Varun and Arjun to make the 'aa' sound when they raised their hands, a la Alia Bhatt.

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