Wednesday, 16 November 2016

The Best & Worst of Koffee With Karan S05E02: Akshay Kumar & Twinkle Khanna

We're going to do this as long as it's cool, and then we're going to drag it on to the point where people can say, 'man, it went on too long'.

You can catch the Best & Worst of Shah Rukh Khan and Alia Bhatt here ft. SRK having a mock orgasm and Karan Johar a disturbingly real one.

As always, I'm in experimental territory here so your likes, comments and shares are all appreciated, and increasingly encouraged.


Worst: Bring Back The 'I'm Back' Show Intro

If these faceless reporter segments weren't just initially intended for the start of the season, they should've been. They're so blatantly pointless that they're in strong contention with elaichi in biryani, and even elaichi has its minute cult following.

Remember Season 4's intro? Good times.


#BringBackIAmBack, sign the petition.



Best: Sprinkle Twinkle Khanna

Often, I ruminate the unfathomable depth of my pointless Bollywood trivia knowledge, because I can tell you exactly why Babuji iss baar July mein nahi aaye ('Arre babuji koi barsaat thodi hai..'), but then there are some things I'm completely oblivious to, since Koffee With Karan is my only inlet of juicy tidbits into this industry.

I was completely unaware of how great Twinkle Khanna was until Akshay hyped her up last season (like I said, only inlet). She's something else, and my label for her as the actress in Baadshah I had a minor crush on was just me being an ignoramus, in retrospect. The 'sparkling' candour and wit is a gush of fresh air in this industry of agenda-driven female actors. I'm just glad that with Alia in the first episode and with MrsFunnyBones in this one we've established a credible benchmark for the female actors to follow, and we can actually have casual conversations without them trying to assert a particular agenda.

Also, her presence made Akshay a lot more comfortable as compared to his previous appearance three years back, where if the cameras had panned away for five seconds they would cut back to a decapitated Karan Johar and a nonchalant Akshay Kumar with blood on his hands.

Excuse me for this Akki, but is the Twinkle Twinkle Little Star a good pickup line/song for her love you Twinkle.


Worst: 'I'm Heard This 17 Times'

I liked this episode, but man was most of it a drab rehash of the previous Akshay episode in Season 4. They repeated so much that I was left wondering whether I have a ridiculously pointless memory or they have a redundant one. I already knew of KJ was enamoured with Twinkle, his mutinous hostel escapade stunt, Twinkle's National Awards dialogue, Akshay's early bird routine, Twinkle's Mela bet and the Akshay vs. Furniture melee, and that's just from watching KWK and nothing else.

If in the next few weeks KJ asks Arjun Kapoor whether he's a rampant rabbit or Bhai if he's a virgin, that's it guys.

Best/Worst: When It's Your Big Break On National Television But You End Up Watching Akshay Kumar's Heavily Edited Baritone Play Over Akshay Kumar Serenading Karan Johar




Best: Twinkle's Rapid Fire Round


Karan Johar confused

Best: Akshinkle
Alternatively, Best: Twakshay

Romance and love aren't my greatest subjects, but it's always pleasant to see a blissfully strong couple, especially in the dank, dark and dirty confines of Bollywood. I'm someone who's still in obstinate denial over Shahid-Kareena (there's still hope), so I guess the less documented your private life is the more it thrives. Either way, 10/10 to both and an extra point to Akshay Kumar for being the most timely stanchion when Twinkle Khanna started getting emotional with an honest reflection of her acting career.

Another little positive of this episode was that we actually got to know a bit more about the people rather than gossip about the rest of the crowd. Armed with this newfound knowledge, I'm definitely not dating Akshay Kumar due to an incipient fear of being gifted a paperweight and most definitely not going to be giving my future wife's aunt acupuncture when I set out to speak to her parents.

Although knowing me, the latter is plausibly inevitable.

WORST: WHERE'S MY KOFFEE QUIZ

If you don't bring it back by the rumoured Ranbir Kapoor and Ranveer Singh episode, you're dead to me Karan.

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